Creating Equilibrium

Creating Equilibrium

From Liz Uible

Someone complemented me yesterday on my ability to stay “even keel” and not let life’s knocks send me spinning. That made me think. How does one actually become ‘even keel.’ It is certainly not a talent, but a skill that can be learned like any other.

And it is a skill that will make you much happier than you would think.

Many people take a bad situation, or a social ‘snub’ and blow it up so it is a huge event in their lives. I used to be an expert at that. My method of making a little thing big was to tell anyone who would listen. I would seek out people to tell if someone was rude and they would in turn amplify it for me. (“She did what!?!”) I would then start to see the snubbor as a “rude person” or me as somehow deserving of rude treatment. The more people I talked about it with, the more influential the snub became in my view of life and myself. It would send me on a tail-spin.

But the thing is, if my boss was rude, it may have had nothing to do with me or with her. It didn’t make her a rude person. Maybe she was just dealing with a sick child at home. But as I created the ‘stories’ around why she made a rude comment, in my mind she became that way. And then I left my subconscious to figure out why I was deserving of the rudeness.

…Ask any question and your brain will find the answer. So I found lots of ways I was deserving of rudeness over time.

It is easy to create a self-image around having something wrong with you when you talk about what is wrong all the time. Some people go into a tail spin when an offhand comment or other negative happens in their life.

At some point we all have to make a choice. I had to choose that my feelings do not have to determine my thoughts and actions. Feeling can happen, but how I deal with those feelings is MY choice.

And not telling everyone else about it helps, too. J

So I make this challenge to you:

Instead of emphasizing negative feelings by talking about them, why not just let them go? (My physiatrist friends may think this is crazy talk.) Instead of rehashing negatives and creating stronger pathways in your brain to feel bad, why not just pass by it? Stop talking about negative in your life.
Or, if that seems like too much, I challenge you to not talk about a negative situation for at least one week after it happens. Then, after a week, you can decide if it was a big enough situation to rehash with everyone you know. Really do this for 30 days and the results in your life will be amazing. But remember, this takes discipline.

And now I have an Advanced Challenge. This is only for people who really want to get to the next level quickly. Ready? Whenever anyone asks you “how are you?” Pass by the standard “fine” or “good” and go with “Great!” or “Fantastic” or ‘Phenomenal.” That will literally make your brain stand up and listen. It doesn’t matter how you really are in that moment. The second after you tell someone how “great” you are, you will actually be much more “great.” Your brain responds to your command. You really are in charge!

Try it and let me know what happens.

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