How to be Irresistible

By Christine Harvey

Dale Carnegie reminds us in ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People,’ that if we want to be a memorable conversationalist, we need to say little. We simply need to let the other person talk and show a genuine interest. This causes an irresistible magnetic field between the two of you. The other person feels important, and validated BY YOU. You become that person’s new hero.

I’ve had amazing results with this method. Often people come up to me years after I’ve had a conversation with them – it might have been only a four minute conversation at a conference or social event. They remind me of what an impact I made on their lives by listening. Think about it – how often in life do we ever have someone sincerely listening TO US. More often the other person is formulating their argument or their point of view.

Now put the shoe on the other foot! How often are WE thinking of the next thing WE will say, rather than BEING THERE for the other person?

If you want to create an irresistible bond between yourself and another person – be it your spouse, your child, your boss, your parent, your friend or a stranger – be still and encourage the other person to talk. Then listen!

I recently suggested this to my husband as a technique with our 3 year old granddaughter. Sometimes she gets a bit rambunctious in the evenings, with a lot of built up childhood energy. Rather than trying to get her to stop irritating him with this energy, I suggested he connect with her on a genuine listening and interest level. The results amazed us both. He told me this story. "I sat down at her eye level and in a calm quiet tone of voice, I asked her to talk with to me," he said. "I gave her my 100% of my attention and complete eye contact." She instantly quieted down, and threw her energetic enthusiasm into telling him a big story in her precious three year old fashion. "I felt really close to her, rather than irritated," he reported. That was several months ago. Now he spends a few minutes each morning connecting with her on that basis, and it BRINGS HIM GREAT JOY. Think of the bond he’s creating that will last a lifetime between them. AND of the confidence she’s building through knowing that someone cares enough to LISTEN, REALLY LISTEN.

Yesterday, I was talking to my Liz, our co-founder, and poised this question. I wonder what fantastic relationship could be created between parents and teens, if a parent would sincerely listen to the teen’s point of view. I know how easy it is as a parent to get caught up in the rush of the day. I have three kids myself. BUT I know what amazing results can be had from 3 minutes of REAL LISTENING. By listening intently and unjudgmentally to a person, WE VALIDATE THAT PERSON. And become their hero – we build a bond that lasts a lifetime. Isn’t that what we all want as parents?

3 SECOND FOCUS TIP – Think now, who is important in your life? What can you do TODAY to listen intently AND unjudgmentally to that person? Make the determination to DO just that and SEE WHAT JOY YOU EXPERIENCE! Or, try it on a stranger immediately. You’ll be amazed at HOW IRRESISTIBLE YOU BECOME to that person, be it a family member or stranger!

Try this and let us know YOUR results.