How to Handle the Negative Behavior of Others

from Christine Harvey

A university age woman wrote to me recently asking this: “How do I stop my best friend from treating me badly? Normally she is wonderful, but when she’s in a ‘slump,’ she takes it out on me.”

Here’s the formula I passed on to her…
1. Sit down with the person and say that you want to set a time to talk about something important to your relationship.
2. When the time comes to chat, which could be immediately, start by reiterating your reason for the discussion, i.e. that the relationship is important to you. This sets the scene and shows that you care.
3. Next, say that because this subject is so important to you, you would like them to repeat your points back to you when you are finished.
4. Now, you’ll cover 3 things - the behavior you want stopped, the replacement behavior, and ask for their agreement to change: “Mary when you yelled at me about the place we when to dinner yesterday, I was very hurt. In the future, I want you to speak to me calmly about anything that disturbs you.
5. Now you ask them to repeat it back to you, and wait while they do it.
6. Next ask, “Are you willing to do that?” (If they are not willing to do that, you compromise on a behavior that is acceptable to you both.)
7. Now you ask them for the reason they behaved badly, and NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY, you respond with ‘nevertheless, I want you to do xyz.’ For example, you ask your friend, “Mary, why DID you shout at me about the place we went to dinner?” Mary responds: “You know, I’m still suffering from my break-up with John and I’m edgy all the time.” Then you say, “Nevertheless, I want you to speak to me calmly about anything that upsets you.”
8. Finally you thank the person for their openness and willingness to work with you to make this important relationship even stronger.

This method was passed on to me some time ago, and works like magic. Why not use it to work magic in your life? With the energy you free up from this, you can devote to your prosperity consciousness and to making the world a better place.

3 SECOND FOCUS TIP – Take 3 seconds to think of any unfinished business in any of your relationships, and determine to give yourself time to resolve it today. When that time comes, draft out the easy steps above, for your unresolved issue. You can do it in your mind or on paper. Now picture yourself sitting with the person, and having the discussion with great positive results. Feel how wonderful you feel to have that issue resolved and off your chest. Feel the pleasure of tapping the courage within you to do that so easily. I promise you, you’ll be proud of your results. Try it and see.


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